Science Explains Why Playing Hard to Get Works In Your Favour

Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study. The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider—a member of the research team. So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches—playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other? Please consider downloading the latest version of Internet Explorer to experience this site as intended.

How to Play Hard to Get

Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes.

ducted to demonstrate that individuals value hard-to-get dates more than easy- to​-get ones. All five experiments failed. In Experiment VI, we finally gained.

Sign Up! Men apparently, love the chase. We browse through a plethora of guides on dating and almost each one tells us to present ourselves as a challenge. Because playing hard to get is definitely regressive and messing it all up, for women. This whole shady concept comes from the scientific fact that the pursuit of sex stimulates the reward centre in our brains. Apparently, buying your affection with gifts and flirting elevates the dopamine levels in men who, as a matter of fact, thrive on this feeling!

But no. For decades, relationships, like most other things were patriarchal in nature.

Does Playing ‘Hard to Get’ Work?

Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 1,, times.

“Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand,” says valuable dating partner, you’re more likely to have dating success.

My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia. Romance at its finest! I was born two years later, and my parents are still happily married to this day. My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out. Every afternoon, she would pull up a stool and wait by the phone for him to call. My mom balked. Nevertheless, the next time he called, my mother begrudgingly played coy and turned down his invitation.

5 Ways To Play Hard To Get That Will Actually Work

We tend to like people who like us — a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability.

Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get.

New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a partner. Carried out by a team from the University of Rochester, along with the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya, the new study recruited women and men. These participants were split into three different studies that looked at their interactions with the opposite sex. In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles that made a potential date look either hard to get or easy to attract.

In the second, they had to answer a list of questions that suggested how much effort they would make to pursue a potential partner. In the third, the participants were asked to interact with potential partners via Instant Messenger in a chat, so that the researchers could see how much effort they made to pursue potential dates, and whether playing hard to get would have an effect on this effort. The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , showed that people who were perceived as being hard to get were also thought to have a greater mate value.

In addition, the participants made more effort with and found potential dates more sexually desirable if they thought they were hard to get. They also made more effort to see a potential date again if they had made an effort the first time. The researchers also add that to increase the effectiveness of playing hard to get as a dating strategy, potential dates have to feel that their efforts will eventually pay off.

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Science says playing hard to get actually works

Some scientists believe the principle of reciprocity is the single most important determinant of whether one person will like another. Skip navigation! Story from Health. In fact, the idea of playing hard to get probably ranks as one of the most popular dating tips of all time, but does it actually work?

How many times have you heard that you need to play hard to get? That in order to You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on.

Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get, as hard to get as you can. The reasoning behind it: men love a good challenge and the more you distance yourself from them the harder they will work to catch you. Needless to say, I was still single long after reading that book.

I was it. I was quite impossible to get, as men I dated or encountered back then will testify.

Playing Hard to Get Is Effective, According to Psych Researchers

Dating is all about confidence, not narcissism. Have a true sense of self-worth and know that no guy is too good for you. You deserve a good man , so be confident enough to hold out for that… just not so conceited that you expect him to wait on your hand and foot. If you want to be a catch, you have to act like one. You want to be with a man you feel lucky to have, but he should feel the same way about you.

New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a.

These two pieces of research have the power to transform your dating life, in the best possible ways. Does playing hard to get actually work? And what is the single quality people are most looking for in their search for love? Stay tuned to the deeper dating podcast to find out. Hello and welcome to The Deeper Dating Podcast. If you want to learn more about the deeper dating approach, and how it can speed and ease your path to finding love, just go to deeperdatingpodcast.

Also, everything I share in this podcast is educational in nature. So, we want the real stuff. We want the science. The first finding is from an evolutionary psychologist whose name is David Buss. Buss did a huge study and a very extensive study, and it was across genders. It was across ages, it was across locations to a very large degree. It was an extensive study of the qualities that people are most looking for in a relationship.

There were all of these people that had to rate what they thought was absolutely number one on their list, if they were going to really be able to find someone that they wanted to be with.

STOP Playing Hard To Get… (Do This Instead)


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